Sometimes, I Feel Guilty For Being "Just" A Writer
Writing is all I've ever known. I discovered it at a time I merely thought I was existing on the earth. Then, I couldn't identify anything I was good at. And, for that reason, it hurt.
In terms of intelligence, I scored a little above average in class. I wasn't beautiful, neither did I have a big reputation attached to my name.
As a result, the only thing I've ever given my full attention to is writing. Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Substack, and spaces unimaginable — I've been and I remain there. Sometimes, I just barge into a place or a DM uninvited because it would help me as a writer, not because I love the place or admire the person. I've created numerous accounts, wrote letters, joined associations, learnt, discussed, and even begged.
As long as it involved my career — writing.
So, when people ask me, "What do you do?" I would tell them I'm a writer and explain the various niches of writing I'm into. I don't expect them to think of anything exciting or extraordinary. But at some point, I begin to feel guilty for simply being “just” a writer. When, on this round earth, people are so much more, I get saddened that I'm associated with just one thing — a skill that isn't even new or magnificent. It isn't something someone would find cool.
And that feeling becomes worse because I feel I don't see myself beyond the art of writing. However, with the widespread use of technology and the internet, I began to obsess over other things. The passion to love something other than what I do and to love it completely.
I'd smile and say to myself that in the future, or if I'm given the opportunity, I'd do this or that. If possible, I could do everything and be that multifaceted expert that everyone would admire and congratulate.
Maybe a model, a fashion designer, a graphic designer, a caterer, a public speaker, an engineer, a web developer, a counselor, a businesswoman. Frequently, I use one of these to fill the space of writing in my life and imagine if I could be as passionate, accept, and succeed in that chosen field.
But while I do that, I'm constantly improving from where I am. I believe that if I simply chose writing, or it chose me — that choice shouldn't be a waste. It shouldn't meet every time at a standstill. That's why I keep introducing myself as a writer, keep typing those letters, and applying to those contests. For in as much as I have that one thing, I should make it worthwhile.
These days, it's not easy to be fixed on one thing only. In a world where everyone is experimenting and basically trying their luck — though most won't admit it — it's a tough life we're all living.
Today, I received an email from a publication I pitched — the very first Nigerian publication I pitched to for whatever they called for — and I got an “unfortunately.” Initially, I blamed myself for submitting late, but I thought that there are co-writers who probably submitted late as well but had their entries received.
I'm just a writer who wants to excel in that field that feeds her soul. Though I may branch out later to something else — which I doubt — I wish to exist in the writing which I brag about in the present. If possible, I want it to coexist with others that may likely feed my soul too. Likely one of the many I mentioned previously, or not.
If I'm being called a writer, I want a prestigious adjective attached to it, so it feels right and important in opposition to those who may see it as less.
Sometimes, I'm guilty for being “just” a writer.
But this writer is a/an:
• Content specialist
• Personal Assistant
• Creative editor
• Freelance writer
• Social media manager
• Scriptwriter
• Marketer
• Publisher
• Author
• Content Designer
• Public relations officer
• Personal Assistant
• Communications manager...
I can't name them all. Can I? 😤😌